| It's kind of funny that while everyone is preparing for | | | | claims she isn't interested in the animals or outdoor |
| Christmas, we are preparing for something very | | | | activities. |
| different. I just today realized the contrast. | | | | After our three days with her we'll take her back to |
| I am surrounded by people who are shopping - trying | | | | the program and we're scheduled for a 2 hour therapy |
| to get that last minute stuff done. Racking their brains | | | | session with her and the therapist. Normally, our |
| for just the perfect gift for the boss, coworkers, aunt | | | | therapy with her is done weekly over the telephone - it |
| so-and-so. Their focus is on what to wear to the | | | | actually works well. I'm nervous about the face to face |
| Christmas parties, sending out holiday cards, and | | | | one. |
| baking cookies. They are searching for the perfect | | | | After that, my husband, other daughter, and myself will |
| tree, stringing lights about the house, and playing | | | | drive 5 hours back to Vegas. We'll stay there for 3 |
| Christmas music. The conversations are about the | | | | more days and plan to spend each day hiking in the |
| next few weeks, family, plans, time off work, time off | | | | state parks near Vegas. |
| school. For some of those people their happiness is | | | | So, it is such a contrast right now - us doing and |
| truly authentic and for some, it's just a facade. | | | | focusing on what we need to do and others doing and |
| My good friend emailed me the other day and | | | | focusing on what they need to do. But somehow it |
| mentioned just that - that it's time for her, once again, | | | | feels better, although, I can't really explain how or why. |
| to put on her "mask" and "pretend" for the sake of her | | | | It's like we can be in the middle of the store (shopping |
| family. I felt sorry for her. | | | | for a backpack for hiking) and surrounded by all the |
| However, others have shown true excitement and joy | | | | craziness - and it doesn't feel stressful. |
| at the approaching holidays and all that goes along | | | | I feel.....well.....detached. In therapy, I was always told that |
| with them. | | | | "detached" is not good - and that made sense. But this |
| Things are very much different for us right now and it | | | | kind of "detached" is a welcomed feeling. Being right in |
| feels pretty "ok" for the three of us. Our focus is | | | | the middle of all the hustle and bustle and not feel |
| different right now because we are preparing for our | | | | hustled and bustled! |
| trip and the reunion with Vanessa, whom we haven't | | | | It's like I've beamed down from some unknown location |
| seen since August. | | | | and can meander, invisibly, throughout all the chaos and |
| We are focused on what to pack, the weather | | | | not have it affect me. I've felt like that for weeks now. |
| conditions, the travel anxiety, and coordinating driving | | | | In a selfish and egotistical sort of way, I feel a bit of |
| directions once we fly to our destination. I am worried | | | | superiority to everyone else who is getting stressed |
| about getting my luggage searched and security | | | | out. I feel like I've found some kind of secret answer to |
| thinking my protein powder is anthrax! We will fly into | | | | coping with the holidays. |
| Las Vegas on Christmas Eve, find a church for Mass, | | | | But then I've also noticed that at times I feel a bit sad |
| and hopefully get to sleep early. | | | | and could just sit down and cry. I guess I shouldn't try |
| We leave Vegas at 6 a.m. on Christmas day to drive | | | | to analyze it - I maybe should just accept and roll with |
| 5 hours into Utah and we'll pick up Vanessa at | | | | it. I know that I don't feel very much in tune with the |
| (hopefully) noon. She is allowed a three day visit so | | | | rest of the population right now. Again, maybe, |
| we'll stay at a hotel about an hour from her program. I | | | | because there is such a contrast with what I'm doing |
| don't recall if I ever explained it, but she's in a specialty | | | | and what the rest of the world is doing. I do have a |
| boarding school/treatment center in a very remote | | | | heightened awareness right now regarding others |
| area of south central Utah. The setting is a 2,000 acre | | | | emotions. Being an HSP, I'm usually pretty sensitive |
| horse ranch in the mountains. When I chose the | | | | anyway about others' emotions. I pick up on stuff like |
| program, I didn't want her in a hospital setting. I really | | | | that - but even more so lately?????? |
| wanted her to be near nature, animals, and the | | | | I'll close for now and wish you the best holiday season |
| outdoors. She always liked those things, prior to her | | | | ever! |
| diagnosis of manic-depression. Although, now, she | | | | |